Saturday, December 18, 2010

So what!

Sure I am young...Sure I have more time then most to try for more children..But that does not make me feel better at all...What if Ailynn was my only chance of having a child of my own..what if my body just cant handle carrying a baby...What am I suppose to do then? :( Today is suppose to be a happy day and I am not happy at all! My boyfriend and I have been dating 15 months straight and its been so amazing and I cant wait to spend more amazing months with him! But thinking about all these what if questions has got me in one of those moods..That mood that just makes you hit rock bottom and makes you think so much your mind starts to hurt! "THe day you slipped away, Was the day I found it wont be the same"...That lyric is hitting home this week! A lot harder then I thought it would...I just wanna hold her...I wanna see her,  I want her back in my belly growing and getting bigger and bigger...But no She is in heaven looking down at me growing up..I don't like this at all..and I am sick of feeling sad! I just cant take it anymore..I wanna smile and not feel guilty for smiling, I just wanna have my baby girl in my arms again! I wanna hear her heart beat...I just want to wake up from this nightmare! I know this is a pity me blog but honestly I don't want you to pity me I want you to make a difference..Donate a teddy bear, a keep sake box, something to the hospital for a angel mom/ family that just lost their baby/babies. With everything going on right now with my mood and how I am feeling I think this would be a perfect time to start writing and start doing some christmas cards, maybe try getting my mind off things for a little! My little Princess will never leave my mind though..she is always there smiling at her mommy, just like the day I held her in my arms she had a little smile on her face! Will never forget that perfect smile she had! I love you Ailynn Chevy, you will never be forgotten! <3 and mommy cant wait until she can have more babies and tell them all about you! Love you sweetie! My love (boyfriend) I don't know what I would of done without you, you have gotten me through all of this...and thanks to you I am still here today! I love you so much baby! happy 15 months, and heres to many more months together! <3

"Always remembered, never forgotten" 


  1. thats a sign that my daughter is with me right now..My blog was posted at 11:11

  2. I just gave you A Blog Award on my most recent blog post.

    PS That is SO FRIGGIN KOOL you post published at 11:11! GOOSEBUMPS!